The Kindness of Strangers (Or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Keep My Middle Finger On The Steering Wheel)

The Kindness of Strangers (Or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Keep My Middle Finger On The Steering Wheel)

I was riding my bicycle once, when I saw a car make an illegal left turn, and was now heading towards me. Keep in mind, we were in opposite lanes, so I was in no danger of being run over. But, he did make an illegal turn, and, with no police officer to pull him over, I dutifully gave him the one-fingered salute.

About an hour later, I was walking my bike across a busy intersection, when I turned my head and realized that the light had turned green. I was now in the way of traffic. Angry at myself, I yelled “fuck!” at the top of my lungs and hurried the rest of the way across the street. I got to the other side of the street, got on my bike, and started pedaling. Behind me, I heard a driver yell out his window “hey! Fuck you too!” I didn't even turn my head or slow down.

It occurred to me as I rode down the street the silliness of it, the pointlessness of the interaction. What was I going to do, turn around, follow the guy, and say “I'm sorry, kind sir, but that loud exclamation was directed at myself, not towards you, and I humbly apologize if I offended your constitution in any way.” No, he had gone his way, and I had gone mine.

If I had to guess, the guy who made that left turn had the same reaction to me as I did towards the second driver...none. As surely as he failed to see, or care about, the no-left turn, I'm sure he didn't see me. But, even if he did, I think it's a pretty safe bet that, upon seeing me, he didn't think to himself, “Gee, maybe it's about time to reexamine my lifestyle choices.”

So why even bother? There's no real interaction when it comes to driving or biking. You're in one of two modes: ignoring, or open hostility. It's very binary, and very much a one-way communication. At best, you'll get a wave to say “whoops!” and that only moves you in the mind of the other driver from the category of “fucking asshole” to “fucking idiot.”

You could make a similar argument over breaking the rules of grammar, and your mental, or even out-loud, attempts to correct someone else's spelling, writing, or speaking. It's really pointless when you get right down to it. The other person communicated something, you understood it, even if it burns your brain that you had to do some of the thinking for them. When it comes to correcting someone else's grammar who did specifically ask for it, you're kind of limited to your own children and your immediate family members under the age of twelve. After that, you just gotta cringe and suck it up.

The real root of this frustration comes from a sense of unfairness. You see a person breaking a rule and getting away with it. Or perhaps you're right about something and someone else is wrong.

Either way, what you really wish for is some higher power (be it God, a judge, a cop, whatever) to do some smiting...or at least point a finger, or raise someone's hand. You want a judge, not in a legal sense, but of a boxing match sense.

But the truth is...no one is keeping score. In life, there's no grand scale where your deeds are measured against someone else's, or some grand inquisitor who lowers his chin to his shoulder or strokes his beard and then points to a winner. It's just life. We're all “that asshole” at some point or another. And if you get your blood pressure up, what did it accomplish? 

Believe it or not, when you extend your middle finger, or correct someone who doesn't know the different between “you and me” and “you and I,” you're trying to take power over the situation, that, in reality, you don't have. It's a sort of vigilante justice, but unlike Batman, who has his utility belt and years of martial arts training, you've got...well, you've got an attitude. And if your attitude is always seeking a reaction, you only serve to lower your value. Just like that guy who yelled at me and got nothing in return. Just like me, too. And depending on just who you mess with, that attitude might get you into trouble. What it won't get you is some kind of apology, or any change in behavior from its recipient. So just live with the fact that people have their own standards, and they don't have to live up to yours. In the end, you really are better off adding value to other peoples' lives instead of taking value away from yourself.