Why am I starting this blog now? Why today? Why not some other time? Today has no particular significance, it's not a holiday, birthday, or anniversary. It doesn't resonate with me in any way. But I am starting today for one reason: it's today. Today is the day.
I can't not do this. I can't let this nervous energy go to waste, or ignore my good ideas, my skills, my passions, and these hard-earned lessons. I probably won't make any money, or if I do, it won't be for months, maybe years, if I have the commitment to keep at it that long. But, as I'll get to in later posts, I need to go through the process, not focus on the results. I need to know what it's like to push myself to write content, to make a brand name, grow it through social media, to maybe even one day get some positive feedback that will make it all worthwhile. But that won't happen this day.
So why start today? Because I gave myself permission to. For too long, this idea has been floating around aimlessly in my skull.I wrote some essays, figured I'd want to have a lot of content, perhaps twenty or more essays, before begain uploading to a real blog, or maybe turned it into a book proposal, or whatever. Then, I lost a little momentum, got side tracked, and put the project aside. Then after that, for reasons beyond my control, I lost my computer, and with it, the essays I did write. But I gave myself permission to start over, and start better. To actually do it. The only thing stopping me was me.
I put up my tent and reserved a name and a profile with four essays done, and before I even uploaded the first essay (which you are reading right now) I've seen a surge in my creativity, doubling my ideas for essays in a matter of days, just through conversations with friends and family, and through self-reflection. Just think how well I'll do once I start carrying around a pad of paper everywhere like a real writer does.
Too many times, I have stopped myself from doing what I wanted to do, and I'm not talking about socially unacceptable things or crimes, or anything like that. When I was in college, I loved pro wrestling, and I could have taken some initiative, and gone down to the local wrestling promotion, and just made myself known. I don't exactly have the physique to be a real wrestler, but I could have asked for an internship, or maybe helped set up the ring just to be part of it. Get my foot in the door to a career I really had a passion for, and start not in Stamford CT, but in tiny little Allentown, PA. But I didn't give myself permission to do something that crazy and inventive. I thought of it, but I didn't really think of it. I thought it wasn't the right career path, I thought I wouldn't get approval, but looking back, whose voice was that really in my head? It's that voice that says “no.”
I could have gone back to school, but I didn't give myself permission. Too expensive, too much uncertainty, too much risk, not enough reward. What did I know. Aside from academics in the traditional sense, I also wanted to take expensive classes in social dynamics (aka picking up girls), but I couldn't bring myself to do it. It was just luck that The Art of Charm, a company I was familiar with, was looking for interns, and I just had to go for it. At that point in my job search, I had told myself I couldn't take any more unpaid jobs. But, it was too good an opportunity to pass up, and I went back on my word, to at least try it out. I gained knowledge that was priceless.
Too often, you give yourself a roadblock. You can say “I'll do this as soon as I do that,” but often times, life forces you to skip past that first part. With The Art of Charm, I wanted to take classes, but didn't have the money, even though I heard that I'd make more money if I took those classes and gained that knowledge. When it came to my depression, I couldn't get therapy or medication because I didn't have a job or money or benefits, (see also: catch 22), so I pretty much shrugged it off as not being serious enough. I remember asking myself once, “If I get a doctor to tell me I'm depressed, do I get a cookie?” But, at some point, it just got so terrible that I had to dig down deeper than I thought I could, and get help. Professional help. I'm much better for it so far, but it didn't make my problems go away. In some cases, they got worse. And when that happened I had to dig down even deeper, and just chalk up the cost of a hospital stay and a commitment to taking serious medication. I stopped myself from getting help until it was almost too late. Maybe that's what it took...Maybe I should have gotten help earlier.
I've had enough bad jobs to give myself permission to quit, or to even see trouble coming and get out before I even start. I've had enough success in dating girls that I've given myself permission not to settle, but to go after what I really wanted, and much to my surprise, those girls are out there. I've given myself permission to not be the person I was in high school. But I'm hardly all the way there. I haven't given myself permission to really be an adult. To figuratively get a haircut and get a real job. To literally get up early every morning, shave my face and put on a suit.
The person stopping you the most from going after what you want is you. That's the truth. You may not be ready to go after an unconventional goal, or be ready to take unconventional means to achieve one. But opportunity won't kick down your door. It won't even knock. You have to give yourself permission to do it yourself, and to see whatever your goal is, all the way through. And you have to start by giving yourself permission to start.
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